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Take it from Snee: The quittening
We suburban Americans are normally a cowardly lot. We don’t really grow a pair of balls until wrapped in steel Toyotas and a horn can do our talking. But, there are certain times when we just can’t...
View ArticlePut down the po’boy
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. THE RESULTS ARE IN AND I THINK YOU’LL WANT TO KNOW THIS. YEP, IT’S TRUE. MISSISSIPPI, YOU’RE KNOCKED UP THE STATE WITH THE FATTEST KIDS. Now...
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Buy a potzer a pizza, or listen to this crap all weekend
If you’ve ever wondered where the dubious claims of your local pothead come from, here you go: “Marijuana Slims? Why Pot Smokers Are Less Obese.” In Time‘s and author Maia Szalavitz’s defense, they’re...
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Finally, the bad parenting tables even out
For years, fathers have been warned that if they neglect their daughters as children, then they might as well put them on the pole themselves. But, a new study posits that mothers who don’t form a...
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Samoa Air weighs national treasure by the kilo
Samoa Air executives realize that passengers can’t help their weight problem due to being Samoan, but will charge them per kilo anyway. Foot massages, however, are “not even in the same ballpark.” With...
View ArticleDrink yourself thin
It’s Thursday, and if you don’t have happy hour plans, now is the time to change that. But don’t waste your happy hour socializing, have a goal. How about you try to drink like a Czech? Because as it...
View ArticleYour favorite team is making you fat, especially if it sucks
Now that Labor Day has come and gone, it’s the more or less fall. (We still have over two weeks left of summer, technically.) And with autumn, it’s time for football. If you’re also trying to keep off...
View ArticlePut the candy down, tubby
If your child is a fatty-fatty fat pants, you may be getting a lecturing letter this evening. A woman in Fargo, N.D. told the local news that she’s planning to give tubby trick-or-treaters a note for...
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‘I’m not puking. I’m driving all the snakes out of my stomach.’
“Erin go BRAAAAAAAAAGH!” It might be Monday, but it’s also St. Patrick’s Day. (And, if you’re on the mid-Atlantic seaboard, a snow day, so you’d better get some whiskey in you before you freeze to...
View ArticleScience: Bugs aren’t fat, they’re big-exoskeletoned
Have you ever seen an insect and thought it could probably stand to lose a few grams? Science has, and it’s not the bug’s fault. It turns out that insects are as susceptible to obesity, and can even...
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Drop down, gimme 50 and a ripped baby
You won’t have fat kids if you’re too tired to procreate. After examining sperm samples before and after weight loss, it looks like it is possible for dads to pass their temporary traits at the time of...
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British pets eat like American humans
No, you can’t has anymore cheezburgers. No matter how many weight-loss reality shows we watch, Americans just can’t seem to lose any weight. It’s no secret that America is in the midst of an obesity...
View ArticleShe ain’t heavy, she’s a mother
It was speculated that the Guinness Book of World Records deliberately got rid of “fattest person” and “fattest pet” type records in order to avoid discouraging deliberately dangerous behavior. Of...
View ArticleThe McBournie Minute: I have a problem
Apologies again for the absence of the Minute last week. I had no power Monday afternoon through about 10 pm that night, and when the power came on I had had a few. Writing was not the best idea. At...
View ArticleRonald McDonald: Member of the Illuminati
A consumer advocacy group claims it’s time for Ronald McDonald to go, saying the nation’s largest fast-food chain’s “Chief Happiness Officer” has too much influence on kids. Yes, you read that right....
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Take it from Snee: Your army’s so fat
As this Web site reported on Tuesday, the obesity epidemic in this country now affects our national security. One-quarter of all 17-24 year-olds exceed recruitment weight limits. And what’s the big...
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Take it from Snee: The quittening
We suburban Americans are normally a cowardly lot. We don’t really grow a pair of balls until wrapped in steel Toyotas and a horn can do our talking. But, there are certain times when we just can’t...
View ArticlePut down the po’boy
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. THE RESULTS ARE IN AND I THINK YOU’LL WANT TO KNOW THIS. YEP, IT’S TRUE. MISSISSIPPI, YOU’RE KNOCKED UP THE STATE WITH THE FATTEST KIDS. Now...
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